I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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