it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
