i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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