I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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