hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
