i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
