Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
