Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
