The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
