Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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