We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
