i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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