This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
