If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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