and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
