Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
