you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
