im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
