wrigley field is MILF paradise
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
