tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
