I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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