Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
