I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
