do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
