I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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