found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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