She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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