Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
