so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
