I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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