Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
