Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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