You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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