he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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