Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
