it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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