I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
