Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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