my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
