So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
