Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
