and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
