you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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