The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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