Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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