And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
