i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
