Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
