i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
