Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
