We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
