She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize