this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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