Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
