do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All the doctor said was why
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize