Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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