There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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