let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
