We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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