why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
