I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize