You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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