3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
