I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
