So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
