Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
God I need to hump something, right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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