david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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