when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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